Misplaced Priority: Why We Struggle to Prioritise Ourselves
“I Just Don’t Have Time for Me”
How often have you said this? As women—especially in postpartum—we instinctively shift into caregiver mode. Whether it’s tending to a newborn, navigating family responsibilities, or managing work, our focus is often outward. Prioritising ourselves? That feels like a luxury.
But let’s be honest: How can we expect others to prioritise us if we don’t prioritise ourselves?
This is where the disconnect happens. We wait for permission to take care of ourselves. We hope someone else will recognize our needs and give us the space to breathe. And when that doesn’t happen, we feel resentful, unseen, and even exhausted. But here’s the truth: the way we prioritise ourselves is entirely within our control.
Do You Put Others First at the Expense of Yourself?
Take a moment to reflect:
Do you regularly cancel plans for yourself because someone else needs you?
Do you put off basic self-care (eating well, resting, movement) because there’s "just too much to do?"
Do you find yourself blaming others for not giving you the time and space you need—while simultaneously refusing to claim that time for yourself?
This pattern is not about being selfless—it’s about learned behavior. Many of us were conditioned to be the “reliable one,” the “caretaker,” or the “strong one.” We wear it like a badge of honor, but deep down, it leads to depletion.
The Cycle of Neglect: Why Don’t We Prioritise Ourselves?
Guilt:
“I should be able to handle it all.”
“I don’t want to seem selfish.”
“Everyone else is managing—why can’t I?”
Fear of Disrupting Expectations:
“If I say no, people will be disappointed.”
“I don’t want to upset the balance at home.”
“I’m supposed to do it all, right?”
External Validation:
“People appreciate me when I give everything to them.”
“If I do more, I’ll feel like I’m enough.”
“I’ll rest when everything is handled.”
But here’s the catch—the work is never ‘done.’ There will always be something to tend to. If we continue waiting for the perfect moment to prioritise ourselves, we will always come last.
Recognizing the Cycle & Stepping Out of It
1. Shift Your Mindset: Self-Prioritization is Not Selfish
When you prioritise your well-being, you are showing up better for those around you. A burnt-out version of you does not serve anyone. Your health, energy, and mental clarity matter just as much as everyone else’s.
2. Catch Yourself in the Pattern
When you hesitate to take time for yourself, ask:
Am I neglecting myself out of habit?
Would I allow a friend to be this depleted?
What do I actually need right now, and how can I give myself permission to have it?
3. Take One Small Action Today
Change happens in micro-movements. You don’t need to overhaul your life overnight. Instead:
Start blocking out time for yourself in your calendar—even if it’s 10 minutes.
Begin with a non-negotiable ritual (morning stretch, deep breaths, a walk alone).
Practice saying “not right now” instead of immediately jumping to meet someone else’s needs.
The Most Powerful Realisation?
No one else is responsible for prioritising you. You set the tone.
The moment you begin treating yourself as someone worth nurturing, the world will adjust. Your needs matter—not after everyone else is taken care of, but now.
It’s time to shift the story. Prioritising yourself is not a privilege—it’s a necessity. And the moment you truly embrace that, everything else will start to align.
Final Thought: What’s One Small Way You Can Prioritise Yourself Today?
Drop it in the comments—I’d love to hear. 💛
